What radicalized me? ❤️
I’m not sure what is radical so let me tell you
I was a ‘problem child’
“Something is wrong with this child who asks questions and expects answers that we can’t give because we never asked them ourselves”
Is what I imagine an adult may have thought
I didn’t do drugs
I didn’t break the law
I never understood what was my tragic flaw
What did I do?
I climbed trees
I walked the woods
I played in the waters
I loved vultures but was often reminded they are not a “good bird”.
I learned advocacy for vultures.
I made spider friends before anyone had a chance to warn me
I raised feral cats.
I learned about boundaries and trust.
I rescued every animal that came to me for help
I broke mustang horses through mutual trust and love
I rode bareback and reinless to go swimming in the lakes with the horses, riding through the woods, no trail, no maps needed. We knew where we were.
I trusted Nature with my life.

I saw Nature and life as something to love, protect and honor since before I can remember.
I knew I, as a human, was a part of it and not outside of it or superior to it.
I spoke this mind, I was a problem child.

In kindergarten, the teacher said, “name different animals”. I said “humans”; the whole class laughed but the teacher laughed the hardest.
I learned not to be offended when people laugh and ridicule me;
Knowing myself and knowing the truth helps.
That’s also when I likely learned not all adults (authority figures) could be trusted.
Repeat this story in a different flavor over and over and you have my childhood.
I noticed how children believed everything adults told them and it often angered me because sometimes adults straight up lied and sometimes adults were just wrong innocently enough. (We are all human!)
And that is why
Blind obedience is more dangerous than questions.
I noticed how easily people around me were manipulated
How easy it was to shift someone’s opinion with a suggestion by the right person at the right time. How could they totally change their opinion on a whim?
Drama is exciting.

In school, I often had the highest “grade” in class, until I boycotted homework.
So much for that idea that grades correlate with intelligence
Another pattern repeated:
When I needed a challenge I was met with punishment.
I learned education wasn’t the point.
Expelled for insubordination.
I didn’t fall in line because my self and my values didn’t align.
I was authentic and inquisitive and nonconforming.
Not conforming was wrong but I don’t know any other way to be, so wrong I was.
I saw police brutality early in life (for a white person) at the alternative school. Education was absolutely not the goal there.
Christian private school didn’t want my questions either.
But blind obedience is more dangerous than questions!!!
The urgency is growing.

ADHD meds to the rescue!
My body, mind and soul said absolutely not and in the couch goes the pills
Parents say, wow! The meds are working! Until they moved the couch.
I learned about the 3rd party placebo effect.

Florida sheriff’s youth ranch “saved me” temporarily.
I learned how to pretend.
I learned to do the homework and follow the nonsensical rules so they will just leave me alone.
Finally.
I was a mustang broken; not through trust and love but fear of punishment.
I fell in line.

My favorite song as a kid was “War” by Edwin Starr;
I experienced racism from the racist side more often than anyone should and struggled to understand how anyone could hate another for how they look or where they’re from.
I learned how to “be” from animals and animals didn’t do that.
I learned that racism and hatred hurts everyone.
I was considered a ‘problem child’ for questioning authority, white supremacy.
I heard my family talk of black and brown strangers as if they weren’t people like us
I witnessed my friends being targeted and harassed by the police and I needed to know why.
I was authentic and logical and a ‘brat’.
Being logical was wrong but I don’t know any other way to be, so wrong I was.
I found myself homeless multiple times in high school.
Searching for stability in an increasingly unstable world was a challenge
I was told “life’s not fair”
But life is fair, the people’s oppression is not.
The people’s oppression is not life.

The hardest part was when I made another person and due to our society’s perverted form of “justice” I could not protect him from harm.
I had to follow the ‘rules’ even though that meant he would continue to be hurt.
If I didn’t, I would go to jail and he would continue to be hurt.
If you’ve never experienced this level of injustice and pain you may never understand what I say but I hope you try.
This was the darkest time of my life.
I made desperate plans to save him.
Nothing else mattered and the more time went on, and i continued to fight for him, I was accused of being litigious and vindictive.
I learned that the truth is difficult to prove when drama is exciting.
Protecting children wasn’t part of the plan.

I saw those with money were respected regardless of their character and I saw others seeking to emulate that respect through status symbols
Bags clothes cars watches
We are such good consumers. Easy to shame. Quick to find the next shield.
Please don’t see ME, please see the image you told me I should project!
Each shield has a price.
Women, shave your legs! Hair is gross, but aren’t we mammals?
What is this hairless slippery slope?
Do lions wish to shave their manes?
Keep up with your friends, don’t fall behind, maybe you’ll find your worth is not found in those trends

I was told, “stop being like that, trends are fun”.
But I never liked the pulls and the tugs
Who knows what’s best for me if it’s not me?
My entire life is a fight for autonomy.
I was always me.
Except for those times the neuromarketing got to me.
Did you know that “they” know more about how our brains work than “we” do?
What or who influences your decisions?

Here’s the rub:
Are your decisions aligned with your values?
Are you afraid to adjust your decisions to be in better alignment?
Fear of punishment is at the core of our culture.
I wonder, are animals afraid to be themselves?
Do animals pretend to be something else out of shame?
Do lions want to shave their manes?
Animals taught me how to “be” and animals didn’t do that.
Why are we ashamed of our humanity?
Why has humanity rejected Nature?
Does anyone benefit from that?
It’s time to wonder, what is the real point of life?
Is it money?
Is it love?
Don’t we deserve to live our lives authentically?
What will happen to the economy when we all follow our hearts?
What will happen to love and community when we all follow our hearts?
I think:
One will grow and one will sink.
Which is of value?
Are the cracks becoming more and more clear to you?
I am here to say never respect those who refuse to be questioned because the truth welcomes your questions. The truth wants you to find it.
The truth is inside you
How will we find that path if we aren’t allowed to find the boundaries?
How can we find ourselves when authenticity is wrong?
Being authentic was wrong but I don’t know any other way to be so wrong I was.
We don’t have to be wrong
We don’t have to be lost
We have the tools
We can remember the skills
It’s all within us.
Be true to yourself
That’s all I ask
And watch the cracks in the illusion break away.

If this resonates with you, share your story too.
If it doesn’t, it’s ok because it’s not yet for you!
Sharing stories helps us to understand each other and ourselves.
How can we be authentic without knowing who we are?
How else can we be authentic without practice?
I’ve had to practice pretending most my life.
I am exhausted from pretending.
What if we practiced being ourselves?
The shield of pretending is not worth the effort.
The shield is made of blood and tears from all of Nature.
It may protect me, but at what cost? For how long?
The ridicule from the non-thinking is more bearable than the destruction of our Nature
Some seem better at pretending and have built a strong shield with it.
A shield of self preservation can be very comfortable.
I understand why.
Vulnerability can hurt!
Can it be seen that we mostly need to protect ourselves from the demands for conformity because we were demanded, not because we care what others do!!
Conformity is more dangerous than authenticity!
Is it clear yet

We are the prisoners playing warden to each other.
Bring down the walls others made you build and stop forcing others to build their own walls.
Who are you?
Does anyone actually care to put profit over people?
Who benefits from that in the end?
Maybe you, if the people being hurt aren’t you?
Will profits protect you?
Is that what the shield is for?
Is that why the world went numb?
Sensitivity means we’re alive. It means we’re human.

Checkboxes of identity:
race ethnicity sex generation nationality neurotype career car house school marital status MBTI horoscope
None of these define me
Those checkboxes of identity no one fits inside
Be careful with an identity box, it is designed to make you forget
Who are YOU?

I found me in Nature
Maybe you will too
Maybe you’ll find yourself in the snow
or the beach
Wherever you find you
I hope you let us know!

❤️ 🌍 ☮️